Emigration (defn: to leave a place, especially a native country, to go and live elsewhere)

I have tried a dozen times to write this chapter, it is not easy to put into words just how painful a process this has been.  Let me start at the beginning…

The Decision

In 2005 I was working for a government primary school in South Africa.  I had a front office position and so interacted with many students and parents’ a week.   During the course of my employment I must have dealt with an incident a week where a child/family needed counselling for stress and anxiety related to crime in South Africa.  Being exposed to these horror stories made me much more aware of how close the danger was to my own family.

I attended a presentation by the SA police where they were preparing and giving advice to teachers, students and their families on how to survive a crime like a home invasion or a car hijacking.  As I sat listening heaviness began to settle inside my chest. 

We were told to avoid eye contact with the attackers, to try to stay as calm as possible and co-operate as much as possible - get them out as quickly as you can.  If you panic, it feeds everyone else’s emotions too and becomes a volatile situation.  Tell the attacker what you are going to do before you move, e.g. My children must get out of the car, when they are out, I will get out and you can take the car and go. Do not get out of the car until you children/passengers are out of the car.  

As I sat there I thought, “I should not have to know this stuff!  My children should not need to know what to do if I am held at gunpoint!  How can this be my life?”  I had an epiphany, I realised that this was not okay! I began to confront my ghosts and my faith in our “rainbow nation” began to shatter.

• My great uncle was murdered in 1995 in a home invasion; the attackers crushed his skull with the butt of a gun.  They then tied him up because they did not realise that he was dead.  In the end they got away with a TV set and a bit of jewellery.  Later they were captured and tried in court.  They were sentenced to 5 years.  
• Haydn’s uncle was murdered. 
• My dad was hijacked at gunpoint for a car. 
• My mother was almost knocked over by fleeing gunmen after a bank robbery. 
• A friend of mine was shot in his home during a robbery, he was unarmed. 
• Our neighbourhood had 28 dogs poisoned in one night. 
• Robberies and car thefts were just a part of normal life. 
• Rape stats were at an all time high, one in three women in SA will be raped in their lifetime that is me, or one of my babies! 

 All these things, so close to home, when is close too close?  What will convince me that I need to do more to protect my family? That night when the kids were asleep Haydn and I started talking about our fears, it turned out that he was having similar ideas and that perhaps now was the time to take action.

We looked at so many options, moving to East London, Durban, Cape Town, Knysna, wherever we looked similar crime horror stories became evident.  Was it just a matter of time before the whole Country would be in the grip of an intolerable crime wave? 

Later that week the News produced the final nail in the coffin.  We realised that it was indeed time to go.

You tube clip. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2QK1PBZo5Y

South African Minister of Safety & Security,Charles Nqakula, in parliament, saying the following: "They can continue to winge until they are blue in the face. They can continue to be as negative as they want to, or... they can simply leave this country..."
This is our governments feeling about innocent people who are sick and tired of being robbed, raped and murdered in their homes and on our streets. The South African government is ignoring the rising levels of crime and corruption and the South African people are sick of it!” 

In October of that year, Haydn booked a flight to New Zealand for an LSD trip, (Look, See, and Decide).  He loved it!  Life was simpler and kids were playing in public parks with beautiful, well maintained public playgrounds, riding their bikes and walking to the shops.  It was safe.  Before we knew it he had a job interview and was offered the position.  Things snowballed, before we knew it, we were leaving everything and everyone we loved to protect the two little people that we made.

The Process

Once we had talked it out and agreed, we met and discussed our decision with our extended families.  First was my Mom and Dad, I told them the why of it all and then I asked them to come with us.  They readily agreed to follow us – both their children and all their grandchildren would be there.  We spoke to Haydn’s siblings, Nina agreed to follow us with her family, Brett and his family did not.  Haydn’s mother promised to think on it and definitely visit.  Haydn’s dad said that he would visit us too.  So many of our friends and relatives had similar ideas and so we felt like we were doing the right thing.

Even so, the whole process was terribly painful.  I knew that the end of life as I knew it was near.  In some ways, I needed it to be all over, in another, I wanted time stretch out so that we could be with our loved ones.  It was like dying.  I wondered around for months crying at the drop of a hat, totally incapable of dealing with the pending loss of everything I knew and loved.

Haydn was not there for much of this because of his job offer - he left just after Christmas.  I did all the packing on my own.  The house had sold but that sale fell through and I had to sell the house again.  I said goodbye to all my dear friends and colleagues at the school, my animals, my friends, family and even my belongings.  The reality of this move was a bitter a pill to swallow.  My heart broke a thousand times over and even now, the lump in my throat returns, just thinking of that awful time.

I had a full check up and needed another back surgery; one of my screws was loose (yeah, yeah, we always knew I had a screw loose).  In December my spine had an overhaul, in January I sold and packed up the house, re-homed my precious animals, in February I had Lasik (eye surgery – will talk about that at another time).  On the 13^th February I said goodbye to my homeland and everything that I loved, I took my 2 girls and we got on the plane.   My precious family and friends were left behind, my little boys, Jordan and Tyler, left behind like a limbs, ripped from my body.  

Footnote:  In retrospect, knowing everything that we know now, I would have stayed in SA, kept my job, house, pets and even the rat race lifestyle, purely because that would have been easier!  Easier on my heart & soul, my folks and, in most ways, easier on Haydn and I.  We would never have known any better and our girls would have grown up tough and used to the South African lifestyle. 

Now they are soft kiwi kids, with no real perception of the dangers out there.  Kids who can safely walk/ride around freely (so long as they have their phones on them).  Schooling is great and comparatively inexpensive, they have what they need. They will get an interest free loan from the government for tertiary study and they are NZ citizens with all the benefits that this holds for them.  We live in a country that has one of the lowest crime rates and over the last few years it has in fact dropped, rather than increased. With everything we know now, for our kids, we cannot go back.