Another year has drifted by like a little boat bobbing along in the current. At times the water was smooth as glass and our objectives were as clear as a mountain stream. Other days it felt like we were being dragged out into open water and had no choice but to go with the flow. There were also moments when we paddled frantically against the current, or found ourselves desperately scooping water out, so that it did not sink. Yes, 2013 was a busy year indeed.
It is very gratifying to have achieved most of the goals set out for 2013 and our outlook for this year is pretty good. My baby starts high school and I enter the next decade of my existence here on this lovely planet. It is also the time of year where we miss our family and friends back home and wish we could just pop in for a visit and give you all a big old hug!
I have just completed a book called "We need new names" by NoViolet Bulawayo, shortlisted for the Man Booker prize. This story resonated with me as an expat who immigrated to find a "better life". Like the book character, Darling I also feel like leaving your country for another leaves you with no country at all.
Now that I am exposed to life in a first world country, I cannot go back to South Africa because I now understand how life is supposed to be. But I am still a South African in my heart and so I will never feel completely at home in New Zealand. I miss my friends and family very, very much, but I love the "way of life" here. There is no way to balance the scale and so I live in a state of "checkmate".
The only way to endure the loss is to avoid thinking about it too much. The only compensation is that my children do feel at home here and will have the advantages that this life offers. Knowing what we know now we may not have left SA but seeing how things should be we also can't go back.
I was reminded why we did this last Saturday night while we were watching a DVD with family. (To paint the
picture we live across from a park that leads into a small native bush
reserve, the front of our property is open to the street, we have no
security gates, or bars of any kind - it is hot and humid and so
everything is open). My sister-in-all (deliberate not a typo) said, "Imagine what people back home would say to this, here we sit at 11pm on a Saturday night, with all the doors (kitchen, front and sliding) wide open!"
To which my daughter's puzzled reply was, "What's wrong with that?"
"That is why we live here" I replied. We then had to explain this to our girls as they really did not see what the big deal was.
So that is one of the reasons why we live here. But it doesn't take away the yearning for home that is made so much worse at this time of year. We find ourselves really missing everyone: Christmas was a party of 9, and our birthdays are coming up with so few to share in our special days, they become lonely times. Just a decade ago we where spoiled for choice with people to see and places to go and now we are pretty insular.
Okay, enough of the sad violin music! 2014, right, sorry I will get back on track...
So as with every new year we have things we hope to accomplish and goals we aspire to achieve. There is something magical about the fresh start we give ourselves at the turning of each year and THIS IS IT. We will only live this year once and so let's all give it our best and meet back here is 12 months time to revisit the whole shebang!
I wish you all a fantastic 2014 and hope that you are all able to cross-off some of your own resolutions.
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