Avoidance

Avoidance: Web definitions: deliberately avoiding; keeping away from or preventing from happening. 

 

I suppose that at one time or another, we all wish we could stick our head in the sand.  Well, I'm past that.  I prefer to face things head-on and deal with reality.  Sure, sometimes it's rough, emotionally draining and even soul destroying but at least I am dealing with what is real.

I would like to issue you with a challenge.  Face up to your life!  Face up to what is really going on and deal with it!  I am so tired of the "great pretenders" who think that hiding from reality is okay.  You know what I think?  I think you're chicken, I think that you need to eat a bowl of self-respect, throw in a tablespoon of courage, then, swallow it all down with a glass of maturity. 

I am sorry if this sounds harsh, (I guess my own frustration is evident).   Something has happened, a life altering event, maybe some bad investment, or an argument that seems to have caused irreparable damage.  What rubbish, you can always fix it, just say sorry and make a plan to make things right.  

The truth is that the people who matter in your life will always love you - no matter what.  Even if you are not on speaking terms, your family will always love you - even when they don't like you.  So just be honest and stop hiding from what is.  So you've stuffed up?  Shocker!  We all have at some point. It does not matter.  What does matter is what you do about it.

Remember, we lead by example and our children are always watching and learning from us.  Do you want to raise a child that takes no ownership or responsibility?  I aspire to be as good as I can be and hopefully my children are proud to have me as a parent. 

The measure of a person is not taken from his/her mistakes but rather from their actions and sincerity to remedy any transgressions.  If you avoid someone for long enough they may not be around when you are ready to make amends.  Don't wait, don't hide or avoid.  Stand up, front up and make things right while it still matters.  You hold the power, do what needs doing (in the living years) or live with the regret.

Are you an ostrich or are you a lion?

I say… “Be the lion!”

The Suburban Mouse and The City Mouse...

A story of a suburban mouse. 

I have worked in the Midwifery Dept. of this University for 5 years and the time has come for me to move on.  This was not a planned move, in the sense that I was looking for another job, but rather a bit of a surprise!  My very dear friend and colleague saw the job advertised (on the city campus) and encouraged me to apply.  So I did, with all the enthusiasm that the job instilled but with the certainty (in my own mind) that this was not really going to happen. The applications closed on the 18th of Feb and I heard nothing.  I was a bit relieved and just told myself that I didn't really expect a response anyway. 

Then a week later, I was astounded when I received a phone call inviting me to interview.  The next Tuesday, I had the interview and the day after that, I had the job.  It was all so fast and so unexpected that I was reduced to a blithering blob of tears of pride, excitement, regret and shame, rolled up in a ball of uncertainty.  The job offers more scope and a higher salary, but it means that I must leave my comfort zone, friends and travel into the big city!   

The poor little suburban mouse is intimidated by the idea of working in the big city!  She likes her old running wheel - it is familiar and safe.

My colleague, of course, was the first to know - this was after all her fault!  Then I told my boss and the next day my line manager.  With each explanation I was overwhelmed with the kindness and support and encouragement that I received.  It felt like I was immigrating all over again - an experience that left me wrecked for a few months, back in 2006.  I am a Capricorn - I hate change! 

I love my team, our students and to be honest, I love being a "know it all" and "go to" person.  Giving all of this up for something new felt like the toughest decision in the world.  With each "the last" milestone, I have shed a few more tears, feeling all the sillier with each emotional step.  If I am so upset, maybe this is the wrong move? 

Suburban mouse has forgotten the career goals that she set aside to raise her young.  There are no regrets but perhaps she needs to spread her wings -they have been clipped for so long?  

I remembered a technique I learned in a workshop.  I closed my eyes and imagined my 18 year old self meeting me and talking about my life and choices (she was a tough idealistic cookie who knew nothing of parenting, but had dreams and desires, goals and ambition).  After some soul searching the way forward seemed crystal clear. 

The the suburban mouse put on her big girl panties and took the first step towards the city.

I have accepted the fact that half my pay rise will go to travel and I have just added an hour to each day for travel time.  This is not so bitter a pill to swallow as I have now also reconciled that I have 6 years of career (and financial) growth in this position too.  

There is a part of me that feels a bit guilty, that this job means less time with my kids.  Maybe I am being a bit selfish, yet I feel proud and a little stubborn that it is "my turn" I have waited 14 years to further my career.  Overall, I have stunning daughters, a supportive husband and a fantastic home support structure.  My girls are fabulous young ladies who are quite capable of looking after themselves and doing the right thing.  

Sure, I will have new challenges and a very steep learning curve but I am not afraid.  

No... I am excited!