All the world's a stage and we are merely players.

Christmas, holidays, my birthday and Haydn's and Nana Lady's visit have all passed like a high speed chase down the motorway.  An adrenaline rush with a knot of anxiety and a dash of financial relief.  It is a cruel budget that we created... having Christmas and both our birthdays all within 30 days and 1 pay check! With maxed out credit cards and a suntan, I have returned to work for another year at the salt mines.  Lucky for me, I like salt.

I long for my carefree childhood where my biggest concern was how long I could swim before I did my homework. I miss being a kid with no real responsibilities, simply taking direction and focusing on fun and playtime.  "Aah yes Grandma, that was a simpler time". 

My teens were a blast - memories of which make me chuckle with fondness and sometimes, cringe with regret.  The roaring twenties were fantastic, I grew up, married and had children.  Motherhood is challenging but thankfully has a high entertainment value. :-)

Now I am 39 and just one step away from the tip-top of that hill (the one that our parents are already over).  I have reached middle age (I think I am comfortable with being in this classification, the middle is not a bad place to be.  Is it?) and after some serious mentation, have realised that I am the age I always expected my parents to be.

That's right... all you 70's children out there, "We ARE the appropriate ADULTS!".  Not only responsible for our children, who we must ensure are growing into decent and law abiding citizens, but also the folk who need to assess, maintain and sometimes manage our parents well-being.  "How did this happen?  Yesterday I was sneaking a cigarette behind the shed and today I am a "clean living" mother of teenagers, a wife and a daughter of parents who are in their golden years!"

Yes, there is satisfaction in watching my beautiful girls growing into young women but this is mixed with the bitter cup of knowing that our older loved ones are slowly fading away. 

I am reminded of Shakespeare's monologue "all the world's a stage" and the stages of life.   Every act can be as good or as bad as we want it to be, even a time of great hardship can make a fantastic story.  I believe that every stage requires elements of action, excitement, joy and grief, it should stir the blood, anoint the soul and stimulate the mind.

I must admit though, this second childhood that "Olde Shakes" refers to is rather a scary concept.  We have worked so hard to progress, who the heck thought it was a good idea for us to go backwards!  What crap is that?  I can handle this 6th stage, with spectacles on nose but who would willingly sign up for the last? Nobody wants to lose sight, hearing and "everything"!


I am quite happy to grow old enough to see my grandchildren and wear inappropriate swimwear.  Yes, that will be liberating and fun.  I will happily drive around on my mobility scooter and run the insolent youths off the walkway, but not if I must wear a diaper.  Nah!  When I can't move around on my own anymore it is time to shut this bodysuit down!

I'll skip that final bit, I prefer not to act that out on my world stage.  Ummm no thanks, I'll pass, let me fast forward to the death scene with all my faculties intact thank you very much.  I am less afraid of death than dignity.


I salute these golden girls and boys and admit that senescence is not for wusses! Thank you for carrying the torch, not sure if I am glad that you have passed it.  I am not sure I will ever be ready to be this grownup.

2013 and back to reality...

That night she closed the door on 2012, she was happy to see the back of it and hoped that the new year would bring new and better things.

Today I read my friend's blog  (http://planetlederer.com/cuddlebunny) and felt the sting of tears burn my eyes and my throat tighten with sadness.  Lynn an Norwin, your strength and courage are inspiring, Jarrod is a very lucky little boy to have you both.

Yes, we do all come with a story.  My story includes the love of my life and my children; it includes my friends and family and it has seasons of warmth and joy but also some of sadness and loss.  My story is personal and very precious to me and mine.  My story might help others or it might only help me, either way it is my story.


Towards the end of last year Jenna needed an x-ray because we thought she had cracked a rib, in that x-ray I saw a curve.  This curve is small and not too scary to look at but, being a mother who has just seen one child through surgery to correct severe scoliosis, it was another deathly blow to my sanity.  The specialist had a look at it when we took Meg for her check up 6 weeks post op.  He said that it did not look like something to worry about but that when Meg came again, next year, we could bring Jen for another assessment.

Since then I have watched her carefully, questioning, always worrying, is it getting worse?  I have tried to take that worry and put it to the back of my mind but I am a mother and worrying is what we do.  It is not something that I can switch off or put in a drawer, it is as much a part of me as breathing.  It does not mean that I cannot have happiness and it does not consume me - because I have faith, but it is there and there it shall remain.

Worries aside though I am pleased to reflect on the year that has past.  2012 was a tough year, we have lost some friends and relatives and welcomed some new little blessings, we have seen our oldest though one of her greatest challenges and our youngest though her proudest moments.

There have been feuds and fights, frustrations and celebrations, moments of utter relief, of sadness and of joy, achievement and success.  I have learned that life isn't fair but it is mine to live and I don't want to regret a moment.  I have discovered that I really should not sweat the small stuff, there are enough big things to worry about.  I have learned that it is better to share my energy where it generates love and joy rather than wasting it on things that darken my days or bring me down.  I am grateful for every blessing and thankful for every kindness and I am stronger and better than I was before.


I have lofty dreams for 2013, I hope that this will be a year of action and direction.

She walked up to gate, opened it and said hello to 2013, lucky for some... I sure hope so!