I'm also not me...

Good health is something we all take for granted, or is it?  I have been reflecting on this for a couple of weeks now.  Maybe this is because of my own physical health or being of an age that is more exposed to the vulnerability (either in ourselves or elders).   Whatever the reason, I have realised that many of us live with “something” that challenges us in a physical way.

 

I am not talking about the “normal” scope of age-related ailments.  We all expect to be less able as we get older.  Less able is one thing and unable is another.  I recently watched “You’re Not You” a movie starring Hillary Swank as a concert pianist who is struck with ALS and much like “Still Alice” this movie left me a blithering blob.  Living in an age of acute awareness of incurable illnesses such as Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s, ALS, CPS, Cancer or even something that still, somehow, remains undiagnosed - whatever it is, it is not fair.

 

Any one of us would agree that when these ailments are “early onset” or strike the very young, that is even more unfair.  As parents we would all happily trade places with our children if we could.

Indeed: Life. Is. Not. Fair!

Over the course of my journey I have realised that no matter what your circumstance is you really don’t have to look very far to find another poor soul who has it worse.  I can recall the first time I had this epiphany with absolute clarity. 

My daughter had just had 6 hour spine surgery and she and another child (both 14 years old) had just been returned to high care from surgical recovery.  I was beside myself from a day spent in absolute hell and I must have worn this on my face with every stressed wrinkle.  The boy was put into the ward next door and we the parents had been asked to step outside while the nurses and doctors were getting our babies settled.  This mother looked at me with an expression that mirrored my own and asked what procedure my child had had.  I replied that she had endured major spine surgery and returned the question to her.  She replied that her son had major surgery to his leg (I remember thinking oh, a leg is not as bad as a spine).  After meeting and talking a couple more times I learned that not only did this boy have “leg surgery” but had endured Chemo, his own leg had been amputated and a new leg had been transplanted due to bone cancer.  I was humbled when I realised that assuming that my daughter was worse off was not only petty and pathetic but also completely untrue.  Shame washed over me and in that moment I was incredibly grateful that all she had was spine surgery.

Perspective changes everything.

I wish that we could share our stories and experiences in such a way that it is not a pity party about what we suffer, nor is it a problem that you are expected to provide a solution for, but rather a call for understanding and celebration of that of which we do not suffer.  To feel real empathy for our fellow travellers and to show true kindness is not always easy.

If we can try to remember that there is no possible way for any of us to truly feel what someone else feels yet still care for them and about them, then maybe we can reply, “No, life isn't fair, but it’s a journey that we can share.”