Writing...of course!

So... I am working away at my course and thought that I would share my first article with you.
Hope you enjoy.

I can relate, Gen Z

If you scrutinise those born in the early 1990’s up to about 2010 you will discover Generation Z.  They are also sometimes called, the “iGeneration”, “Now Generation”, “Generation Next”, “Net Generation” or Gen Z.  To better understand this group of young people, as parents, we need a quick overview of where they are coming from.

My Gen Z's, Meg and Jen

They were born into the digital age and cannot imagine a world without mobile phones or computers.  Their world connects by technology and there are no holds barred.  They want instant gratification, and they want it now!

Researchers claim that Gen Z are more socially and environmentally aware and as such, are likely to pursue careers that they think will help society.  They are open minded and accepting of differences, celebrating individuality.  Furthermore, as a result of their ability to process massive amounts of information at lightning speed, Gen Z will be high performers in mentally demanding jobs.  But, before we explore work and potential, we need to establish who they are and how they will get there.

It follows then, that we should consider how they learn.  Educators report that teaching styles have been overhauled to engage Gen Z.  Gone are the days when the mere novelty of working on a computer would inspire a student to learn.  Teachers have moved from “chalk and talk” to more eye-catching and stimulating multimedia lessons.  Digital natives, Gen Z respond well to visual (kinaesthetic, auditory) learning.  They love a contest!  All of their gaming experience is centred on problem solving, meeting the challenge and then moving to a higher level and they are addicted to success.  This can be applied to their learning too. 

Gen Z Boys, Jordan and Tyler

However, we should also acknowledge that all learning does not occur in the classroom.  Playing games like SIMs and Farmville is turning children into little consumers.  They have already learned that money does not grow on a farm!  Gen Z grasp the concept of choice requiring sacrifice and realise that there are consequences to all decisions.  Unfortunately, they have not all learned that there is no “undo button” in the game if life.

Aside from computer games, consider for a moment what kids are doing in their free time.  Social networks, like Facebook, SKYPE, Twitter, Tumbler and MySpace have changed the concepts of communication, interaction and privacy.  Judgement is made with the click of a “Like” button and snap decisions are not only desirable but expected. Gen Z is coming of age publicly, on the web, sharing just about everything.   

 

These multi-taskers seem to always be doing more than one thing at the same time.  Instead of just walking and chewing gum, they are also texting and listing to music.  Some say that Gen Z will be a physically challenged generation, too entrenched in sedentary pastimes. Game-makers like Wii and X-Box have come up with motion sensor games that simulate outdoor sports and recreation, to get these tech savvy kids off the couch.  However, having been raised on ad campaigns that highlight healthy eating and fitness, Gen Z may even be healthier than previous generations. 

Yes folks, Gen Z’s are mature, intelligent and confident, but they can also be incredibly challenging, especially for parents.  Demographer Hugh Mackay explains “a child who is never told "No", allowed to fail or made to face consequences – who is always praised and has never had to share or wait for anything, grows into an adult unprepared for the realities of life.”  Perhaps all the politically correct “fair” treatment will have a backlash, maybe we really do need to harden up.  There are always winners and losers.  In the “pass-the-parcel” of life, there isn’t a toy in every layer.  Gen Z may be less equipped to cope with the unavoidable failures and disappointments of life. 

Having said that, we made them, so we had better learn to live with them!  Are we overindulgent and permissive parents? Gen Z’s are growing up with time poor parents of the “most divorced” generation, living through one of the worst economic recessions in history.  Exhausted, financially stressed and guilt-ridden, many parents are looking for ways to compensate and simplify child rearing. Perhaps we are too tolerant.  Kid’s need discipline in order to learn how to regulate their emotions.  If bad behaviour results in punishment, this must be followed through, no matter how difficult it is.

Gen Z girls, Micca and Bee

Another aspect to consider, is how we share with this bamboozling horde?  Neer Korn, author and social trends expert says: "People lament the loss of communication skills, but it's not a loss, it's an evolution.” We need to meet Gen Z at the virtual middle and use technology to get our messages across.  So, start exercising those handy opposable thumbs people.  If we want to get our prodigy’s attention, we may need to send an IM or text message.  Just make certain that you understand the commonly used abbreviations, or you will find yourself lost in the quagmire of LOL’s, LMAO’s, and WTF’s. 

 
Of course, there is another solution, let’s switch off the TV’s and the WiFi once in a while and spend time talking to our kids.  Bring back real family time for dinners and conversation around the dinner table, board games, walks and picnics in the fresh air.  This will go a long way in teaching Gen Z practical life skills like patience, conversation and good manners.  With so much potential and promise, with our help, Gen Z could have an incredibly positive influence on the way we see things and the world we share.

It's June!

Yesterday I put my head down to get some work done and today when I looked up it is already Friday the 8th of June!  Wow - half way through the year already!  I have not got much to report but I am trucking away at my writing assignments, which is taking up most of my down time, in which I used to write here...

Perhaps I will post up one of my pieces for review?  Mmm - maybe...

Have a great weekend y'all!

Last Night...

I was asked by someone, last night, whether I was proud of my work on this blog.  Honestly, yes I am.  I have put so much of myself into these pages.  Many entries have been the cathartic release that I needed to come to terms with things that messed with my bliss.   

I have learned that holding things in or pretending feelings will go away in time, never works.  You have to act.  Inaction is damaging to the soul.  So stand up and say, "Yes, this situation sucks! But, I am going to make a good plan to fix it".  Then you make good, own it and do it.  You will be forgiven, so long as you are genuinely working to fix things.

I believe that I have led a good an honorable life.  I am not ashamed of anything in my past, it has made me who I am. I am hopeful for the future.  I have been blessed with parents who have been fantastic role models, a husband that is an honest example of goodness (with a little yummy sexiness mixed in - that you don't really need to know about).  My children are beautiful, kind, good students and have great values that will help them to become wonderful contributors as adults (we just have to survive their teens 8D)

I walk with my head held high and and know that I am doing the very best I can, every single day.  Some days are ridiculously successful, others not, I accept that.  The best way to rise up in peoples estimation, is to rise up and take action.  Be proud of yourself and who you are.  Hopefully then, the mark you leave on the world will be a smiley face.

Writing Courses and Full Time Work...

My first week of official full time is almost over, I must say that I am feeling rather proud of myself.  I have a revised job description that includes the Faculty newsletter, a new website project and I have also finished the first Module of my course.  I have still managed to get to both my girls' netball games and can still find time to read and relax. I am extremely grateful to my family for their support with all of this, together we are a mighty unit.

(Please take a moment to look at my poetry page - there has been an update there too, Rebirth was part of my first Module submission.  The requirement was to write poetry or prose that covered the 5 senses).

Things are going well and despite the chill of a wet winter that is digging in down here in New Zealand, I am feeling hopeful and even optimistic for the first time in a long time. 

The greatest challenge is to get out of bed at 6:30am when it is a black as night and make coffee, once that sweet manna has slowly permeated my senses I can progress to actually putting on clothes.  I am out the door by 07h15, okay 07h20(ish) and on the road.  I arrive at work about 07h50 and after the inevitable dash in the rain I have my next caffeine fix.  How does anyone manage without coffee?  By 08h00am I am ready to go, go go!  Before I know it is lunch time and then there is the wee push to get to 4pm.  I dash through the rain once again and begin the drive home. All in all not a bad working week. 

Pity that we now have to get up just as early on Saturday's for Megan's netball games - at 8am in  Northcote!  Worse still is the fact that her OTT coaches want them to be there 40 minutes before the game for warm up; followed by an hour match; followed by "warm down".  Warm down?  How do you warm down, surely it should be cool down and surely that could be done on the walk back to the car?

Grrrrrr OTT indeed, but that is not where it ends. After "warm down" they have a feedback discussion about how the game went, including individual comments for each player (yes lovely but I am tired and hungry) then they present 2 awards, Player of the Day (based on Stats); and Best Effort. This is all fair and reasonable until you hear the next part of the trauma that has become my weekends.  They have a 2 hour team practice on every Sunday from 2pm to 4pm!  Why, oh why can they not have the feedback session then? 

Do I sound pathetic and ungrateful or justified?  

To be fair you should to understand that in NZ all sport is done outside of school, essentially as sport clubs.  The coaches and team managers are volunteers that receive no payment for their efforts.  Games are almost always after hours so that parents can support their children.  Netball is almost as highly regarded here as rugby, even boys and men can play, although not many do.  So, we simply sigh and co-operate and try our best to seem grateful but I still think that 5 hours out of my weekend for netball is a big ask. 

I should mention that Jenna also has netball practice on a Sunday, hers is from 3pm to 4h30pm, her matches are on a Thursday afternoon/evening also a Northcote netball club.  Thankfully AUT is about 1km from there and so on a Thursday I can just go straight there from work.

In the famous words of Forrest Gump,"that is all I have to say about that".

Time flies....

Wow this month has flown by!

I miss my family and friends in SA.  I miss you all!  Your lives are passing by without my direct involvement but rest assured, you are always in my heart.  I do miss you!  I miss people and places and smiling faces.  The best way to combat this longing is by staying in touch!  Thank goodness for Facebook, this is how I cope - how I still feel like I know you.  So, keep in touch.  Nobody really cares what you had for dinner, unless it is really unusual, but post the significant stuff – stuff that I would know if I was still home.  

I found a great quote that I wanted to share with you all.  “When I was a kid, I wanted to be older, this sh1t was NOT what I expected!”  

Does this mean that it is time for me to complain about how things are beginning to sag...  (Mmm, perhaps not just yet)!  I will say that there are certainly some big changes coming up for me this May.  I have not worked full-time since 2000 and am now finally going to return to full time work.  This only adds another 1.5 hours to my day but will still be an adjustment for all concerned.  It's not all bad though, I will be bringing home a bit more bacon anyway (yay).

Since my last post there have been a number of significant dates, birthdays (Brett, Tyler and Biella) and our wedding anniversary, 17 years of wedded bliss.  I was almost 16 when we started dating, that is over 22 years together which in today’s world is amazing.  What I find the most impressive is that we are still so ridiculously happy together.   I know, I know, consider the crowing over. We are aiming for Fiji for our 20^th in 2015.  (Thank you for your patience, hahaha).

I will be posting another tale from the cryptic shortly :-)

Emigration (defn: to leave a place, especially a native country, to go and live elsewhere)

I have tried a dozen times to write this chapter, it is not easy to put into words just how painful a process this has been.  Let me start at the beginning…

The Decision

In 2005 I was working for a government primary school in South Africa.  I had a front office position and so interacted with many students and parents’ a week.   During the course of my employment I must have dealt with an incident a week where a child/family needed counselling for stress and anxiety related to crime in South Africa.  Being exposed to these horror stories made me much more aware of how close the danger was to my own family.

I attended a presentation by the SA police where they were preparing and giving advice to teachers, students and their families on how to survive a crime like a home invasion or a car hijacking.  As I sat listening heaviness began to settle inside my chest. 

We were told to avoid eye contact with the attackers, to try to stay as calm as possible and co-operate as much as possible - get them out as quickly as you can.  If you panic, it feeds everyone else’s emotions too and becomes a volatile situation.  Tell the attacker what you are going to do before you move, e.g. My children must get out of the car, when they are out, I will get out and you can take the car and go. Do not get out of the car until you children/passengers are out of the car.  

As I sat there I thought, “I should not have to know this stuff!  My children should not need to know what to do if I am held at gunpoint!  How can this be my life?”  I had an epiphany, I realised that this was not okay! I began to confront my ghosts and my faith in our “rainbow nation” began to shatter.

• My great uncle was murdered in 1995 in a home invasion; the attackers crushed his skull with the butt of a gun.  They then tied him up because they did not realise that he was dead.  In the end they got away with a TV set and a bit of jewellery.  Later they were captured and tried in court.  They were sentenced to 5 years.  
• Haydn’s uncle was murdered. 
• My dad was hijacked at gunpoint for a car. 
• My mother was almost knocked over by fleeing gunmen after a bank robbery. 
• A friend of mine was shot in his home during a robbery, he was unarmed. 
• Our neighbourhood had 28 dogs poisoned in one night. 
• Robberies and car thefts were just a part of normal life. 
• Rape stats were at an all time high, one in three women in SA will be raped in their lifetime that is me, or one of my babies! 

 All these things, so close to home, when is close too close?  What will convince me that I need to do more to protect my family? That night when the kids were asleep Haydn and I started talking about our fears, it turned out that he was having similar ideas and that perhaps now was the time to take action.

We looked at so many options, moving to East London, Durban, Cape Town, Knysna, wherever we looked similar crime horror stories became evident.  Was it just a matter of time before the whole Country would be in the grip of an intolerable crime wave? 

Later that week the News produced the final nail in the coffin.  We realised that it was indeed time to go.

You tube clip. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C2QK1PBZo5Y

South African Minister of Safety & Security,Charles Nqakula, in parliament, saying the following: "They can continue to winge until they are blue in the face. They can continue to be as negative as they want to, or... they can simply leave this country..."
This is our governments feeling about innocent people who are sick and tired of being robbed, raped and murdered in their homes and on our streets. The South African government is ignoring the rising levels of crime and corruption and the South African people are sick of it!” 

In October of that year, Haydn booked a flight to New Zealand for an LSD trip, (Look, See, and Decide).  He loved it!  Life was simpler and kids were playing in public parks with beautiful, well maintained public playgrounds, riding their bikes and walking to the shops.  It was safe.  Before we knew it he had a job interview and was offered the position.  Things snowballed, before we knew it, we were leaving everything and everyone we loved to protect the two little people that we made.

The Process

Once we had talked it out and agreed, we met and discussed our decision with our extended families.  First was my Mom and Dad, I told them the why of it all and then I asked them to come with us.  They readily agreed to follow us – both their children and all their grandchildren would be there.  We spoke to Haydn’s siblings, Nina agreed to follow us with her family, Brett and his family did not.  Haydn’s mother promised to think on it and definitely visit.  Haydn’s dad said that he would visit us too.  So many of our friends and relatives had similar ideas and so we felt like we were doing the right thing.

Even so, the whole process was terribly painful.  I knew that the end of life as I knew it was near.  In some ways, I needed it to be all over, in another, I wanted time stretch out so that we could be with our loved ones.  It was like dying.  I wondered around for months crying at the drop of a hat, totally incapable of dealing with the pending loss of everything I knew and loved.

Haydn was not there for much of this because of his job offer - he left just after Christmas.  I did all the packing on my own.  The house had sold but that sale fell through and I had to sell the house again.  I said goodbye to all my dear friends and colleagues at the school, my animals, my friends, family and even my belongings.  The reality of this move was a bitter a pill to swallow.  My heart broke a thousand times over and even now, the lump in my throat returns, just thinking of that awful time.

I had a full check up and needed another back surgery; one of my screws was loose (yeah, yeah, we always knew I had a screw loose).  In December my spine had an overhaul, in January I sold and packed up the house, re-homed my precious animals, in February I had Lasik (eye surgery – will talk about that at another time).  On the 13^th February I said goodbye to my homeland and everything that I loved, I took my 2 girls and we got on the plane.   My precious family and friends were left behind, my little boys, Jordan and Tyler, left behind like a limbs, ripped from my body.  

Footnote:  In retrospect, knowing everything that we know now, I would have stayed in SA, kept my job, house, pets and even the rat race lifestyle, purely because that would have been easier!  Easier on my heart & soul, my folks and, in most ways, easier on Haydn and I.  We would never have known any better and our girls would have grown up tough and used to the South African lifestyle. 

Now they are soft kiwi kids, with no real perception of the dangers out there.  Kids who can safely walk/ride around freely (so long as they have their phones on them).  Schooling is great and comparatively inexpensive, they have what they need. They will get an interest free loan from the government for tertiary study and they are NZ citizens with all the benefits that this holds for them.  We live in a country that has one of the lowest crime rates and over the last few years it has in fact dropped, rather than increased. With everything we know now, for our kids, we cannot go back.

Fast Forward 11 years...

I now realise that children are a mixed blessing.  I have two wonderful daughters who I love with all my heart and would not trade for anything - on a good day any way.  I am not certain how I would survive without Nigel Latta, my Guru on all things childrensicle. http://goldfishwisdom.org/parents.  My favourite quote being “Relax, we are all bad parents”

The truth is that so much has changed since those long ago days of nappies and nightmares that now I can only look back in fondness.  Aahh, the memories… 

In most respects now I feel much more in control, except when I don’t.  I have learned some essential rules of engagement and I can usually even put them into practice on a daily basis. Impressive don’t you think?

Rules:

Shouting does not work (unless the TV/Stereo is too loud) so save it for the days when you really need the release.  Kids don’t react to shouting they react to consequences.

When you are angry try to take your voice low (maintain eye contact) and speak really slow.  Stay Calm!

Never go to bed angry and always remember time passes differently for kids.  While we can stew in our fury for hours after a melt down or blow up, your little spawn has moved on within 2 minutes and cannot comprehend why you are still angry.  Especially if they have already muttered a half hearted apology.  Take a deep breath and move on, you will eventually anyway.

I am constantly reminding myself that they are just kids and my expectations are probably too high.  What parent actually has kids that keep their rooms tidy and do what is asked without hesitation or question?  If you are out there please make contact!!!